I woke up on Monday morning wondering what I was going to do with all my free time since the kids didn't have school. I originally thought that maybe I could take them out to lunch, or even have Zach babysit so I could get a pedicure. And then I realized that those thoughts were delusional. Zach had a science project to finish and a test to study for, there was a piano lesson and a tennis lesson to get to, and I was hoping to get to the grocery store. Though this was busier than what I would have wanted for a day off from school, I was hoping that with a little bit of advance planning, I could find the time to do something fun. By 9am, I realized those hopes were as fictional as my pedicure.
Good News: No school, so I didn't have to do school drop-off.
Bad News: No school, so the kids are home.
Bad News: The error message "Remove packing material, clear carriage jam" popped up on our two-month-new printer, even though the packing material was removed two months ago.
Good News: After recovering from the shock of talking to an HP customer service rep that was actually knowledgeable, helpful, and understanding, I was told that the printer was a piece of shit, but under warranty, and would be replaced free of charge.
Bad News: The new printer would take five to seven business days to arrive.
More Bad News: Zach had a science project that needed to be printed.
Good News: Somehow managed to get old printer working, but only in black, so hopefully colorful pie charts aren't an integral component of Zach's science project.
Good News: Managed to get to the grocery store during the piano lesson.
Bad News: Forgot bananas.
Random News: In an attempt to be "helpful," Zoe put the hamburger buns on the conveyor belt, after she pulled them through one of the leg holes on the cart. Now they look more like hot dog buns.
Good News: Decided to stop at Target to pick up a prescription and bananas on my way to tennis lessons. Figured I'd better call and make sure that my "take once a day at the same time every day so I don't get knocked up again" drugs had been refilled.
Bad News: Was told that the prescription wouldn't be ready. So, after I dropped Charlie off at tennis, I stopped at grocery store #2 to pick up bananas.
Of-Course-It-Is News: After I got home, I received an automated phone call from Target telling me that "my prescription has automatically been refilled, and is now available for pickup."
Bad News: After dinner, Zach printed his colorless science project report, which also ended up being blackless due to a lack of toner in the backup printer.
Good News: After saving the report on his flash drive, my best friend/ kindred spirit/fellow vodka lover/Mac owner said, "Come on over and print it at my house."
Bad News: Best friend's printer is out of magenta toner, which shouldn't make a difference since we're only printing in black, but printer doesn't understand logic.
Funny News: Best friend shared a disgusting "you won't believe what my dog ate" story. The feminine hygiene item that the dog ate is really, really gross, which is why it made me laugh.
Worst News: This story wasn't told over a couple martinis.
Not Surprising News: I got home, without a printed science project, to find that the 11-year-old had suddenly lost the ability to tell time and doesn't realize it's past his bedtime.
Good News: Zach tells me that he can print the project at school.
Bad News: I will have to bring Zach to school early on Tuesday morning.
Good News: Wave of energy and overwhelming motivation to avoid driving kid to school at 7am hits me, and I decide to get back in the car and go pick up toner, along with my prescription.
Bad News: What the hell am I thinking? The pharmacy is closed. I might as well go to WalMart, which is closer.
Icky News: I went to WalMart. But at least I picked up my friend's magenta toner while I was there.
About Fucking Time News: Science project printed, and the stapler didn't break.
Annoying News: I don't have house plants because I never water them, and sometimes the dog's water dish is empty, but the yellow light on the piano humidifier started flashing, which silently tells me: "THE PIANO NEEDS WATER! THE PIANO NEEDS WATER! THE DAMN PIANO NEEDS WATER!"
Good News: I ignore it until the morning. After all, I'll have time since I don't have to drive Zach to school at 7am.
Good News: After completing his project and studying for a test, Zach went to bed at 10:30. Finally, all the kids are in bed!
Bad News: His door opened 12 seconds later so that he could tell me that the lightbulb in his reading lamp just burned out.
Good News: I have a lightbulb.
Best News: I know that my prescription has been refilled.
Bad News: I discovered I was out of tequila.
Great News: I always have vodka.
3 comments:
Thank you for turning what could have been a crummy day into something funny. If your friend is ever unavailable for martinis, please consider me as a replacement.
Printers are from hell...
http://bit.ly/5gSM2y
An Update: Zach turned his science project in on Tuesday morning, and then his dip shit science teacher lost it. Dip shit then tells Zach that since he can't find the report, it means that Zach didn't turn it in on time, so he will automatically lose ten points. I told Zach to tell dip shit that there is no way in hell his mom would have voluntarily went to WalMart at 9:30 to pick up toner, just so he could turn it in late. What an asshole. Oh, and the teacher made another kid cry in class because he told him that "he didn't deserve to be in the class." Interesting way to get kids motivated.
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