Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Someone Buys That Crap After All

Whenever I'm in line at the grocery store, I often pass the time and make myself feel better by checking out what the person in front of me is buying. I know it could be considered an invasion of privacy, but it's not like I'm taking pictures of their stuff and the temptation to judge is impossible to resist. They stand there clutching a stack of coupons, their purchases evenly spread out on the conveyor belt and besides, what else am I supposed to do? Strike up a conversation about the weather?

Me: "Gee, it's really cold outside. Completely sucks ass."
Weird person buying Hostess Fruit Pies: "Yeah."

There are almost always a few items that get my attention and answer the question, "Who the hell buys this crap?" Sometimes it's an obscene amount of white bread, corned beef hash, those weird little fruit drinks that they sell in the produce department, Hungry Man dinners, olive loaf, pork rinds, or ten cans of Spam. Rarely, though, is it ever a complete freak show from one plastic divider to the next, which is what made yesterday so special.

I ran in for romaine and bananas, stepped into the line for 15 items or less, and instead of glaring at the woman in the process of buying 28 cans of chicken noodle soup, I couldn't take my eyes off of the four packages of beef marrow bones. And the three cans of generic cream of mushroom soup. And the 12-pack of grocery store 3.2 beer. When she told the cashier that she also needed to buy two packs of Marlboro Lights and I got a whiff of her quilted coat, I started to wonder what her house smells like, or, after she cooks the marrow bones, will smell like. And did you know that cigarettes are now almost $6.00 a pack?

If someone told me that they saw a crazy, chain-smoking, check-writing old lady wearing a hot pink stocking hat buying eight pounds of beef marrow bones, I wouldn't believe them, because although we've all seen the bones in the meat department, no on actually buys them, right?

That's why I took a picture:


ES said...

It's always the "15 Items or Less" line...like they just have to run in really quickly to grab their obscure motorized shopping vehicle basket of diet Shasta and random meats. Thanks for taking a picture, I'm glad I could second-hand witness that conveyor belt of horror.

Doug Adkins said...

Not sure how you can mock someone who clearly knows the rule "White wine with fish, Michelob Golden Light with marrow bones.

Anonymous said...

Jody you have far to much free time on your hands at the cehckout line....try picking up on of those people magazines and see what the real people are up to! bleached blonds with anorexia and bikini snapshops are a great way to fill the time behind the checkout line.

Kristen said...

That is hilarious! What a combo. If you add in some of that cheap air freshener in the can it would totally round out the aroma I'm sure that house has.