Friday, January 1, 2010

2009 - By The Numbers

During the past week, it seems like everybody has been saying "Where did 2009 go?" or "Man, the last year really flew by." I think that 2009 felt like it was 365 days, or approximately 12 months, long.

If it were possible for me to access the year on a DVR, there are definitely some horrific days that I would go back and delete (my hangover after the Metallica concert being the first to go). But there are also moments that I would go back and replay over and over again, because no matter how many times I think about them, I smile. Like that day at Zoe's skating lesson, when I watched a dad step on the rink and, while showing off his "Look at me I'm the coolest dad in the world look at how awesome I am I can't believe the NHL isn't calling me wow I'm the best" skating moves he caught an edge, wiped out hard and took down four kids as he slid across the rink on his ass. That is a moment I wish I had recorded somewhere.

In order to keep the year in perspective, and to reassure myself that I did more with the last 52-weeks than dust furniture and heat up hot dogs, I decided to simplify things in a way that only an anal-retentive, Type A, not-quite-a-control freak can make sense of: putting it into numbers and categories.

45...Monday night one-hour piano lessons
40...Wednesday night half-hour violin lessons
7...Sunday afternoon piano recitals
2...Times I didn't have to say: "We're leaving in two minutes. Get your shoes on, and where is your music/instrument/phone?"

150...Trips to the club for tennis related activities.
150...Times my card was scanned at the club, but that I didn't work out because I was there for kids' tennis.
143...Times that, before leaving the club, someone had to go back to the court for a coat, water bottle, sweatshirt, or racquet.
4...Times we managed to leave the club without me saying: "Let's go. Do you now have everything? Yes? Then let's go. LET'S GO!"

104...Trips to Target with a list similar to "handsoap, toilet paper, sandwich bags, Band-Aids."
104...Times I walked out of Target with things like a white t-shirt, hummus, a picture frame, dog treats, lip gloss, and a few Sharpie's. But no toilet paper.

63...Trips to the gas station to fill 'er up.
4...Times that the needle was below a quarter tank. I'm anal, remember?

20...Approximate number of visits to the liquor store.
0...Times I managed to leave the store with only the items I originally went in for.

205...Trips to the grocery store, with a list and coupons.
115...Trips to the grocery store that involved three items or less, usually taking place within four hours of the most recent visit.
0...Times I remembered to bring in the reusable shopping bags that were sitting in my car.

14...Times I vowed to order fruit instead of fries with my burger.
0...Bowls of cantaloupe/grapes/honeydew/pineapple consumed.
14...Times I ended up ordering fries instead of fruit with my burger, that also ended up being topped with bacon and pepperjack cheese.

312...Salads eaten for lunch.
312...Times I wished that salad was a burger topped with bacon and pepperjack cheese, and give me the damn fries!

18...Times that I scolded the teenager for laughing at someone's hairdo/outfit/lack of athletic ability.
18...Times that I secretly laughed with him.

315...Loads of laundry washed, folded and put away
0...White items destroyed by a red shirt
3...Yes, I actually ironed

8...Piles of not-my-dog's shit left in my yard.
13...Piles of shit strategically flung with the pooper-scooper into my neighbor's yard.

6...Average number of nights per week I managed to make dinner.
0...Dinners that didn't include a carb.

13...Times that a kid took out the garbage.
0...Times that a kid took out the garbage without being asked first.

50...Limes that saw the inside of my refrigerator.
400...Lime wedges used, which sounds really bad, but sometimes I used two in one drink, and I was nice enough to share a few.

365...Days that at some point I either yelled, gave the angry eyes, spiked a throw pillow onto the carpet, threatened to "never cook a meal again," proclaimed myself the Queen Of Waiting In The Car, alerted the kids to my "I'm not the stupidest person on Earth" status, made an empty threat, eyed the bottle of vodka before noon, used the phrase "because I said so," or got annoyed, just because.
0...% guilt.

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