Friday, November 11, 2016

Yes, some people suck


  1. Don't text and drive.
  2. Don't eat bacon cheeseburgers or gyros while driving.
  3. Don't apply makeup while driving.
  4. Use your turn signals to indicate shit, like turning and switching lanes. And then turn that shit off.
  5. Try to reach a speed of at least 55mph by the time you're at the end of the entrance ramp.
  6. Learn how to zipper merge.
  7. Don't start sentences with "I don't mean to sound racist, but..."
  8. If you see something that would make someone happy, buy it. Unless that thing is a Maserati or a puppy.
  9. If you see garbage on the ground in a public place, pick that shit up.
  10. Give a homeless guy something to eat, and a hug
  11. Hold the door open for the person behind you. And I don't mean the "walk through, stick your arm backwards and lean awkwardly to hold it open" version of holding it open. I mean open the door, step back, let the person walk through, and then follow them. But not in a creepy way.
  12. Don't cut lines.
  13. By the time you get to a cashier, you better be off of your phone.
  14. Don't let your dog shit in your neighbor's yard, no matter how annoying the neighbor is.
  15. If you miss your turn while driving, please just continue on and find a place to turn around. Don't slow down to 3mph or, even worse, throw it in reverse.
  16. Learn how to sneeze and cough into your elbow.
  17. Don't make excuses for a kid's shitty behavior.
  18. Don't email teachers if your kid is displeased about a grade.
  19. Don't fish for compliments. If you're thin and/or pretty, you already know it, so stop calling yourself fat and dogfaced.
  20. Buy a kid a bag of Skittles.
  21. If you see someone wipe out - as long as there isn't blood involved - it's okay to laugh. But then HELP THEM UP!
  22. Have a sense of humor
  23. Don't wince every time someone says "fuck"
  24. Wash your coat once in a while because chances are, it smells like food
  25. Don't walk diagonally through giant crosswalks.
  26. Take all holiday decor down in a timely fashion.
  27. Stop being passive aggressive.
  28. If you volunteer or do something great for someone, just do it and then shut the fuck up. Doing it so that you can get claps via posting LOOK AT ME BEING AMAZING on Facebook or whatever is shitty.
  29. Don't be racist.
  30. Don't be homophobic.