This = That

The Mean Mom's

Chart of Everyday Equivalents

3 tsp.......................................1 Tbsp

2 Tbsp.....................................1 ounce

1 ounce...................................you're kidding, right?

2 ounces..................................yes, please

4 ounces..................................five winter weekdays

16 ounces................................five summer weekdays

___ ounces...............................a weekend

1 week.....................................8 loads of laundry

2 loads of laundry......................oh yeah, I forgot about the sheets

3 kids......................................1 minivan

1 minivan.................................I'm a dork

waiting in the minivan................slice of hell

1 - 13 year old..........................25 daily eye rolls

Ten eye rolls.............................1 smack on the head

1 game of Monopoly...................a suicidal mom

shoveling the driveway................2 shots of vodka

mowing the lawn........................2 Corona Lights

sitting in a lawn chair..................4 Coronas, and 2 shots of vodka

4 tennis lessons.........................2 forgotten water bottles

3 science projects......................5 trips to JoAnn, 17 swear words

shopping at Target.....................not shopping at WalMart

happy hour with best friend.........1 visit to the psychiatrist

1-week vacation.........................25 visits to the psychiatrist

4 texts to/from kid......................15 second phone conversation

phone conversation with kid.........hahahahahaha, that's a good one

3 "shoots".................................1 "shit"

3 "shits"....................................1 "fuck"

2 "fucks"...................................1 hour at the grocery store

1 - five year old.........................7 daily debates

7 daily debates..........................7 ounces

1 clean house............................fantasy/fiction

Sunday - Friday.........................6 dinners cooked

Saturday.................................."Check, please"