A Productive Weekend

Things that were confirmed over the weekend:

1. Hyper-competitive parents get on my nerves, but it's fun to see their kids glare at them when they're not looking.
2. I don't like waiting for people.
3. Red velvet cake batter looks a lot like tomato paste.
4. Red food coloring in a white kitchen sink looks a lot like violence.
5. Bartenders never give you a straight answer as far as when happy hour starts.
6. A hungry five-year-old is not a pleasant person.
7. Old dogs don't care if it's someone's birthday, and will still shit on the floor.
8. No kid will ever turn down pancakes for dinner.
9. If you're not a fan of Roger Federer, you're often disappointed.
10. If you're a fan of Serena Williams, you may not be disappointed, but you're an idiot.
11. Think twice before eating hummus at midnight.
12. Dive bars aren't always quirky and fun. Sometimes they just suck, and are proof that natural selection has limitations.
13. A grilled sausage tastes better in January than it does in June.
14. Chlorine is a wonderful sleep-aid for children.
15. Best friends that head to Mexico for a long weekend without offering to take you along have a lot of nerve.
16. When the 13-year-old gives you a perfect "You're an idiot" look, it's kind of irritating, but it makes you kind of proud, too.
17. I'm already sick of the ads for horrendous Valentine's Day gifts.
18. Lady GaGa makes some questionable wardrobe choices.
19. Most of the time, after looking at the high-maintenance, over-priced martini menu, I will end up ordering a beer.
20. Since anger always motivates me to workout, choosing the treadmill in front of the TV that is broadcasting Fox News is a wise choice.