Not Exactly Hallmark

On Saturday we went to a wedding reception for a former babysitter that is gorgeous, smart, soon-to-be very successful and also moving to London, where her husband is already employed. Since living quarters in London aren't exactly known as spacious and the happy couple will have to pay shipping costs to haul anything, they subtly stated a preference for wedding gifts: Cash. Just cash, please.

Although I considered just handing the dough over to the bride and skipping the card entirely, I realized that she wouldn't have anywhere to put it since she has an amazing sense of style and her college degree is in fashion, so her wedding dress probably didn't have pockets or come with a bridal fanny pack. Shockingly enough, I was correct. But since I'm also not a big fan of dropping $5 on a card that says something corny like "Your wedding day may come and go, but may your love forever grow" or "May your love bloom brighter and your companionship grow sweeter with each passing year," I decided to have Zoe make a card for them instead. I explained to her what we we needed the card for (Nick & Danielle are getting married, they're going on an adventure, please put our names on it), and after breaking out the Crayolas and giving her a blank piece of white paper, this is what she created:

Yes, she managed to include a boy and a girl, but unfortunately the girl is holding something that closely resembles a chainsaw. Yes, the boy has a smile on his face, but he also has something very red and very prominent oozing from his nose. Yes, she included names, but only two of them. No, she doesn't play M-rated video games or watch horror movies. So seriously, WTF.

I ended up finding a pre-printed coloring sheet of a boy and a girl standing together under one umbrella and gave her very specific instructions about how she should color it and after we all signed our names on the back of the picture, I shoved it in an envelope with some cash and we headed to the festivities. Zoe even wore a dress.

I truly wish the happy couple nothing but happiness, rainbows, fun adventures and zero hangovers, and if it weren't for the barrage of mosquitoes that wanted to turn my ankles into a buffet I would have stayed at the party until all the kegs were fried instead of running home to my tube of Cortaid. So, Nick and Danielle, sorry I left the party so early, I wish you all of the above, and just in case you would have preferred to receive the chainsaw picture instead of the cheesy umbrella picture, let me know and Zoe will be happy to bring it over.