Lessons Learned

The Memorial Day weekend is providing me with three sun-filled days of quality time with my family. It is also three days of catching up on homework, playing outside, several clothing changes and a whole lot of beer. Throughout all of it, a few things occurred to me:

1. Never sit down until you look at the toilet paper holder first.
2. For the first six months of life, the first kid lives in their parents arms, the second kid lives in a front carrier, and the third kid lives in the car.
3. That whole "five minutes until we need to leave" warning is a bunch of bullshit, especially when there is a hungry five-year-old involved that wants something to eat now. Like, now. Not later in the car, NOW!
4. My neighbor's lawnmower is incapable of starting before 8:30pm.
5. When the youngest child says "hey look at this I found a new way to show the number two" and then promptly holds up her two middle fingers, it's best to display no emotion.
6. Likewise, when the same kid says "wow the garbage smells like Doritos" it's best to just take their word for it and not "come and smell it" like they suggested, because I'm pretty sure that's not what Doritos smell like.
7. Junior high really hasn't changed that much and if anything there's more bullshit to deal with now than when I was that age. You know, back in the day when dinosaurs were kept as pets and we used a rock tablet and chisel to take notes about the latest fire starting techniques.
8. Just because a soon-to-be teenager gets up on their own before 9am doesn't necessarily mean that the kid is waking up in a good mood.
9. Rosie was completely taken for granted, and although I hate this phrase more than anything else, it makes me wonder: What the hell did Jane Jetson do all day anyway?
10. Not every day requires a cocktail. Some just require shots of tequila.