The Horses Song

I have a geriatric dog that throws up at precisely 3:30 PM most days. In contrast, I have a family that has never dealt with the stomach flu. This scenario is perfect for me because while dog barf is annoying, it's manageable. People vomit gives me nightmares.

Years ago there was a one-time solo shot of pukeage from the oldest and there have been random moments of fever-induced hurling from the five-year old. The 11-year-old, however, has never puked and has yet to be inducted into the religious experience of sitting in the bathroom moaning, "Oh God. Oh God."

I've actually handled these rare moments of regurgitation shockingly well. Since it usually happens when the kid already feels like crap, I figure it's not going to help matters much if I'm yelling, "Holy shit! That is the grossest thing I've ever seen! I need to get the hell out of here!" It's the moments when I'm not prepared and I see it, or hear it, or hear a song about it, that gets my mouth watering and gut churning. So you can imagine how excited I was when Zoe made up this song and belted it out at the top of her lungs. While I was driving.

Horses horses throwing up

clean it up with water

you're so gross, that's just so gross

clean it up with water

Horses horses in Texas, throwing up again

over here and over there

horses throwing up all over the place

cowboys should get the water

It's just so gross, where's the water

we need to clean it up right now

oh no oh no oh no oh no

horses throwing up all the time

Here they come and there they go

those horses horses in Texas

they throw up again and again and again

go get the water