Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Fun For The Whole Family

Whenever I'm feeling especially fat, wrinkly, unfashionable, cranky, feeble or am seriously questioning my parenting skills, there is one place I can go to at the end of every summer that, within fifteen minutes of arrival, I start to feel better about myself. The best thing about this place is that there isn't a co-pay, you don't have to share your feelings with a bunch of strangers, you get to be outdoors, and you get to eat fried foods. On a stick.

That's right, I'm talking about the Minnesota State Fair. Twelve days of fatty foods, animal barns, midway rides, concerts headlined by aging rock stars and American Idol winners, crazy PMS-fueled stroller pushers, a live action infomercial around every corner and, best of all, the most bizarre collection of people gathered together, just waiting to be watched.

Normally, Doug and I try to make it to The Fair two times -- once during the day with the kids (because in addition to liking the mini donuts, they need a confidence boost, too), and then a few days later we return after the sun sets, without the kids -- for two entirely different freak shows. This year, to make things even more entertaining, I considered playing State Fair BINGO. But since spending long stretches of time sitting on my ass at a table, sucking down beer and eating fried foods would probably result in me looking like the person that I'm supposed to be heckling, I decided against it. I needed something that could be played while walking around. With a beer in my hand. Eating fried foods.

As a result of this desire to be mobile, I've created The Mean Mom's State Fair Scavenger Hunt. Feel free to make copies, buy your ticket to the Great Minnesota Get Together and challenge your friends. But if you end up shooting beer out your nose while simultaneously pointing, laughing and checking an item off your list, you can't sue me.


THE MEAN MOM'S
MN STATE FAIR SCAVENGER HUNT

__Man with mullet...............................1 point
__Woman with mullet..........................5 points
__Teenager with mullet......................10 points
__Mullet on a child under 2 yrs. old......15 points
__Kid with mohawk.............................5 points
__Adult with air brushed "Fair Do"........25 points

__250 lb wife with 90 lb husband...........1 points
__400+ lb man...................................5 points
__400+ lb man not eating...................10 points
__400+ lb man that doesn't smell bad...20 points
__150 lb child in a stroller.....................5 points

__Ted Nugent t-shirt............................1 point
__REO Speedwagon t-shirt....................2 points
__Journey t-shirt.................................5 points
__Anne Murray t-shirt.......................100 points

__Lady holding baby while smoking .......2 points
__Person with a flask (besides me)........5 points
__Kid on a leash.................................5 points
__Baby wearing only a diaper...............5 points
__Baby eating a cheese curd...............10 points
__Baby drinking a Coke......................10 points
__A stroller full of crap, but no baby.....15 points
__Fat person in rental scooter...............2 points
__Person in scooter eating cheese curds..5 points
__Teenager at KDWB that's not texting..25 points

__Muffin top.......................................1 point
__Jumbo muffin top............................2 points
__Muffin top with whale tail............. .....5 points
__Whale tail and tramp stamp.............10 points
__Front butt......................................10 points
__Camel toe......................................10 points
__Moose knuckle................................15 points
__Man boobs.....................................15 points
__Pooping horse................................10 points
__Someone stepping in horse poop.......25 points

__Fanny pack......................................1 point
__Over-the-calf tube socks....................2 points
__Bikini top w/frayed miniskirt................5 points
__Wife beater w/jorts...........................5 points
__Zubaz..............................................5 points
__Zubaz, wife beater and fanny pack......10 points
__60+ yr old woman in mini skirt...........10 points
__Bib overalls......................................10 points
__Camo bib overalls.............................15 points
__Shirtless man....................................5 points
__Shirtless man under 250 lbs................10 points
__Family with matching outfits................15 points
__Girl in bikini wearing cowboy boots.........3 points
__Man carrying giant stuffed dog..............5 points
__Woman wearing stilettos.....................10 points

__Caricature booth.................................2 points
__VitaMix demonstration..........................5 points
__Cabbage Patch Doll clothes booth...........5 points
__Egypt World booth...............................5 points
__Ginsu knives demonstration.................10 points
__Someone buying a Little Giant Ladder...10 points
__A carni with 28 teeth and 10 fingers.....50 points
__A booth named "Porcelainly Yours".......10 points
__Barf on the street..............................25 points


TOTAL: ____ points
No. of Beers Consumed: X ____

TOTAL SCORE: ____ points


Now, let the games begin!


3 comments:

Kathy Jo said...

I love it! I've never been to Minnesota but this totally applies to the fairs in Washington State too. Funny how fried food & live infomercials bring out the same people no matter where you are!

Paula said...

I live in North Dakota - our state fair was, sadly, in July, so I shall have to save the scavenger hunt until next year, but believe you me.......my friends and I WILL be playing this next year!!

Nettie said...

Oh I so wish I was going to the fair!!! And this would make it so much more fun!!! One you could add to the list for next time (something I saw at Back to the 50's) a young girl (18ish) with her short shorts unbuttoned and partially unzipped, folded over so underwear are showing, walking around holding hands with her 50-something boyfriend! YUCK!