Fun For The Whole Family

Whenever I'm feeling especially fat, wrinkly, unfashionable, cranky, feeble or am seriously questioning my parenting skills, there is one place I can go to at the end of every summer that, within fifteen minutes of arrival, I start to feel better about myself. The best thing about this place is that there isn't a co-pay, you don't have to share your feelings with a bunch of strangers, you get to be outdoors, and you get to eat fried foods. On a stick.

That's right, I'm talking about the Minnesota State Fair. Twelve days of fatty foods, animal barns, midway rides, concerts headlined by aging rock stars and American Idol winners, crazy PMS-fueled stroller pushers, a live action infomercial around every corner and, best of all, the most bizarre collection of people gathered together, just waiting to be watched.

Normally, Doug and I try to make it to The Fair two times -- once during the day with the kids (because in addition to liking the mini donuts, they need a confidence boost, too), and then a few days later we return after the sun sets, without the kids -- for two entirely different freak shows. This year, to make things even more entertaining, I considered playing State Fair BINGO. But since spending long stretches of time sitting on my ass at a table, sucking down beer and eating fried foods would probably result in me looking like the person that I'm supposed to be heckling, I decided against it. I needed something that could be played while walking around. With a beer in my hand. Eating fried foods.

As a result of this desire to be mobile, I've created The Mean Mom's State Fair Scavenger Hunt. Feel free to make copies, buy your ticket to the Great Minnesota Get Together and challenge your friends. But if you end up shooting beer out your nose while simultaneously pointing, laughing and checking an item off your list, you can't sue me.

THE MEAN MOM'S

MN STATE FAIR SCAVENGER HUNT

__Man with mullet...............................1 point

__Woman with mullet..........................5 points

__Teenager with mullet......................10 points

__Mullet on a child under 2 yrs. old......15 points

__Kid with mohawk.............................5 points

__Adult with air brushed "Fair Do"........25 points

__250 lb wife with 90 lb husband...........1 points

__400+ lb man...................................5 points

__400+ lb man not eating...................10 points

__400+ lb man that doesn't smell bad...20 points

__150 lb child in a stroller.....................5 points

__Ted Nugent t-shirt............................1 point

__REO Speedwagon t-shirt....................2 points

__Journey t-shirt.................................5 points

__Anne Murray t-shirt.......................100 points

__Lady holding baby while smoking .......2 points

__Person with a flask (besides me)........5 points

__Kid on a leash.................................5 points

__Baby wearing only a diaper...............5 points

__Baby eating a cheese curd...............10 points

__Baby drinking a Coke......................10 points

__A stroller full of crap, but no baby.....15 points

__Fat person in rental scooter...............2 points

__Person in scooter eating cheese curds..5 points

__Teenager at KDWB that's not texting..25 points

__Muffin top.......................................1 point

__Jumbo muffin top............................2 points

__Muffin top with whale tail............. .....5 points

__Whale tail and tramp stamp.............10 points

__Front butt......................................10 points

__Camel toe......................................10 points

__Moose knuckle................................15 points

__Man boobs.....................................15 points

__Pooping horse................................10 points

__Someone stepping in horse poop.......25 points

__Fanny pack......................................1 point

__Over-the-calf tube socks....................2 points

__Bikini top w/frayed miniskirt................5 points

__Wife beater w/jorts...........................5 points

__Zubaz..............................................5 points

__Zubaz, wife beater and fanny pack......10 points

__60+ yr old woman in mini skirt...........10 points

__Bib overalls......................................10 points

__Camo bib overalls.............................15 points

__Shirtless man....................................5 points

__Shirtless man under 250 lbs................10 points

__Family with matching outfits................15 points

__Girl in bikini wearing cowboy boots.........3 points

__Man carrying giant stuffed dog..............5 points

__Woman wearing stilettos.....................10 points

__Caricature booth.................................2 points

__VitaMix demonstration..........................5 points

__Cabbage Patch Doll clothes booth...........5 points

__Egypt World booth...............................5 points

__Ginsu knives demonstration.................10 points

__Someone buying a Little Giant Ladder...10 points

__A carni with 28 teeth and 10 fingers.....50 points

__A booth named "Porcelainly Yours".......10 points

__Barf on the street..............................25 points

TOTAL: ____ points

No. of Beers Consumed: X ____

TOTAL SCORE: ____ points

Now, let the games begin!