There are some things that I've said I will never do (use bribery, yell in public, drink schnapps, buy toy weapons, double-dip a chip) that are obviously unrealistic and were prematurely promised. One thing that I can honestly say that I will never do, though, is homeschool my kids. I know that people have a variety of reasons for homeschooling (insanity being #1), and I have several reasons why I won't be completing a registration form for the Minnesota Homeschoolers' Alliance 2010 Annual Conference.
- The kids are building important communication and debate skills every time I tell them, "Talk to your teacher about it."
- I wouldn't want to ruin the excitement created by the rare snow day.
- They'd miss out on learning how to manage the crowds and extreme body odor found exclusively in locker bays.
- I like my Monday mornings just the way they are.
- I can't get them to take out the garbage or remember to floss. There's no way in hell they would listen to me as their teacher.
- The math/science lessons should probably be more extensive than "1 oz. mixer + 2 oz. booze, blend with ice."
- The thought of organizing a school environment in my home gives me anxiety.
- Would I get a property tax reduction? I didn't think so.
- They need to be exposed to a variety of germs to build up their immune systems. Licking the shopping cart handles at Target just attracts unwanted attention, and doesn't make you as sick as you'd think.
- They like being with their friends, and I love hearing the "you won't believe what happened at lunch" stories.
- I may be insane, but I'm not that insane.
Maybe I'm being a little premature when I say I won't be attending the MHA 2010 Annual Conference, since I see that it's scheduled for a Saturday in September. I'll be looking for a reason to get out of the house and away from the kids, and I'm sure the other attendees would appreciate my math/science curriculum.