In So Many Words

Much to the dismay and occasional embarrassment of my boys, I enjoy spending time with, and talking to, the teenage girls that they play tennis with. It's interesting to hear what they're up to, find out what they've been shopping for and also be accessible to them in case they want to spill something to me that they don't necessarily want to discuss with their own mom. In addition, these ultra-competitive and athletic girls have been nothing but a great influence on Zoe and they're always excited to see her. So when I see them, we end up talking. And laughing. And talking some more. And all the while we try to ignore the groans and eye rolls that are always shot in our direction from the boys sitting nearby.

My boys cannot even begin to understand how I can tolerate the incessant yackity-yack-yack that comes out of these girls' mouths and I say hey, it's easy. After all, I once was -- and kind of still am -- one of those girls that goes on and on and on, explaining things in way too much detail than is necessary, driving Doug to insanity and making him wish that there was a different model number of me. One that came with a mute button. And skinnier calves. And better baking skills.

One of these chatter sessions occurred about a week ago and after this girl and I said our goodbye's and see-ya-later's and gave each other a goodbye hug, I got in the car to drive my boys home. This is when my oldest kid said something like "God, I didn't think you guys would ever stop talking! By the way, did ya know that someone proved that girls talk way more than boys but don't say anything interesting? Boys can say the same thing, using only a tenth of the words that a girl does!" I said yes, I know, and that's because boys talk like cavemen and girls know how to use adjectives. He just rolled his eyes at me, looked out the window and grunted something that sounded like "uuurrrggha."

Since then, I've tried to pay a little more attention to the differences between boy and girl conversations and the more I listened, the more I realized that my kid is right: boys are cavemen. For example:

Boy: (While pointing at friend) T-shirt.

Girl: Ooooh, I love that shirt! The fabric is sooo soft and I love the color! I love that there is a flower on the front and that there are sequins on the flower, too! Where did you get it? Do you think there are any left? I love shopping there they have, like, the cutest clothes! Cool t-shirt!

Boy: Hungry.

Girl: I'm, like, starving to death but I don't want to eat anything sticky or loaded with grease. I wish there was a Panera nearby so I could get a bagel. Oh, they have the best bagels ever. To die for, really. And the veggie cream cheese is my fave. What? You've never had it? You really need to go. So I don't know what I should eat right now. Maybe a piece of pizza would be okay.

Boy: Lotsa homework.

Girl: I cannot believe how much homework I have. Like, don't these teachers know that I have a life?! And that I don't want to spend, like, eight gazillion hours studying the countries of Africa!? Seriously, what do they think Google is for! At least I got these new pencils. Aren't they like the cutest thing ever? I just love them. Oh, and you won't believe what happened in Algebra today, it was the funniest thing ever!

Boy: Ugggh, brrrr.

Girl: It's soooo cold outside! And my lips are so chapped they're about to fall off of my face! And could my hair be more staticy? Seriously, oh my god! I don't think my fingers are ever going to be warm again! But look at these Ugg boots I just bought at Nordstrom! Aren't they, like, the cutest thing you've ever seen? And they were only, like, $200. I know, right? I should tell my mom I need them in another color, too, because they're just soooo cute!

Boy: Hey, I think I'm sick. My throat hurts when I swallow like this, and I feel cold, and my knees hurt but it's mostly my right knee, and sometimes my neck hurts when I turn my head like this, and my nose feels like it's getting stuffy but it's mostly my left nostril, and my head hurts right where my eyeballs are, and I'm hungry but I don't know what I should eat because chewing might hurt, and it hurts to swallow like this, and I'm pretty sure I'm getting a fever because my armpits feel warmer than usual, and (cough, cough) did you just hear that cough? Holy phlegmy! Oh god, I don't feel good.

Girl: Hi, I have a little bit of a cold, but I'll be okay. So do you want to go shopping?

Okay, so they're not always cavemen. Sometimes, like when they're sick, they're wusses too.