A Note To My Momma

In honor of this being The Mean Mom's 200th post, and for Mother's Day, I thought it would be appropriate to write something about my mom. For those of you lucky enough to personally know her, you know that I'm lucky. You may have memories of her voice, her personality, her temper, her ability to motivate and especially, her generosity. It is because of this generosity that she is spending her Mother's Day weekend out-of-town helping others. While it's too bad that I won't be able to spend Sunday with her, it's okay too because if she disagrees with something I wrote, she won't be able to come over here and kick my ass. And believe me, kicking ass is something that she's very familiar with.

1. When I was little and wanted to play soccer, there wasn't a team for girls. So my mom contacted the park & rec department and, after making herself clear, was assured that there would be a spot for me on the boys' team.
2. When I wanted to play softball, there wasn't an organized softball league in our community. So, not only did my mom form a team for me and my friends and spend several years coaching, but she formed about a dozen additional teams. And lined up coaches. And organized equipment distribution. And oversaw the construction of three new softball fields. And hired umps. And then the parents felt left out so she organized an adult league for them.
3. When she realized that there was a shortage of certified softball umpires, she decided to become ASA certified and started umpiring games at every level, including high school and men's bar leagues.
4. My brothers and I all did gymnastics, and my mom was always arranging fundraisers, running the concession stand at meets and making sure that we had great coaches and a great facility to train in, even if that meant helping to provide the financing necessary to build a great facility.
5. My brothers were wrestlers, so of course my mom didn't just go to wrestling tournaments as a spectator. She organized the tournaments, prepared the draws, coordinated the score runners and helped manage the concession stand. She also organized registration nights and always made sure that my brothers made weight, even if that meant dieting on Thanksgiving.
6. She likes to drink beer. Dark beer.
7. Which reminds me -- when deciding on a vacation a couple years ago, she chose to do a pub crawl. In Ireland.
8. Her birthday is on Halloween, but she never made us feel guilty for trick-or-treating.
9. When my kids were little, she was always willing to stay at my house for several days in a row so that I could go somewhere with my husband, get drunk and have sex.
10. She knows how to operate a wet saw.
11. She isn't afraid to say "Fuck." And it's sometimes followed by "You."
12. She keeps herself insanely busy, so busy that she ends up missing some of my boys' tennis matches and piano recitals. This fact kind of pisses her off.
13. If babysitting her grandkids means that sometimes she has to get on a plane, then she gets on a plane.
14. One of my brothers owns a gymnastics center, and if she happens to find out that a student is having trouble paying their tuition, she quietly steps in and pays it for them.
15. My other brother is a Division I gymnastics coach, and she and my dad fly around the country to watch his girls compete, because if they are his girls, then that means that they are their girls, which makes it important.
16. She will keep a spice bottle forever. And I mean forever. Because after all, one of these days she's going to need that turmeric.
17. She never comes over to my house without a bag of gummy bears and/or a new DVD for the kids.
18. Through all of my fuck ups, she has always stood by me and reminds me that she is proud of me.
19. She is nice to my husband and truly considers him part of the family.
20. She understands the infield fly rule.
21. She used to do that trick when I was little -- the one where she stands somewhere and silently farts and then says "Hey, can you come over here and reach up and get that thing for me?" Ha ha, apparently it's very funny to almost kill your daughter.
22. One time, while I was visiting her in the hospital after she had had some surgery, I was walking with her in the hallway and she started getting sick because anesthesia always makes her nauseous. Anyway, I really hate it when people throw up, so I kind of took off running down the hall. I claimed that I was looking for a nurse to come help her, but I really just needed to get away from the sounds and sights and thoughts of someone throwing up. I know, real mature. Anyway, she has forgiven me for this.
23. She refuses to slow down, give in, settle for anything short of her original goal, and most important of all, she refuses to stop loving.

Happy Mother's Day Sylvia Graba/Mom/Grandma/Kicker of Asses. I love you. And so do a lot of other people.