Big Hairy Deal

My hair kind of sucks. And I'm not fishing for compliments or trying to be self-deprecating, I am simply stating a fact. It is straighter than straight, boring black, slightly coarse and in an emergency could probably be used to sew on a button. I will say that thanks to some very talented people (color tech Angie, I'm talking about you) and now that the 90's are over with, my hair doesn't suck as much as it used to, but it still has huge styling limitations. Due to the shape of my head, I have never been able to wear headbands and I have always, and I mean always, had bangs because my hairline is, and has always been, pretty much the same as the hairline you'd find on a 55-year-old man.

Growing up with thick, stick-straight, pitch black hair in a very blonde and curly ZIP code had it's drawbacks. Around third grade, my mom paid someone to give me a perm, and those biannual perms continued for years. There are several pictures that document these unfortunate hair-do's, and if I could have found one in time to attach to this post, believe me when I say I wouldn't have. I always dreaded the first couple days post-perm: the stinky head, the too-tight curls, the bangs that shrunk up to the size of pubes, the other kids saying "Wow, pew, I guess someone just got a perm." Then there were the late 80's and 90's with the ginormous bangs that were teased to gravity defying heights. The only question I have is: What in the hell were we thinking, and why did it take us so long to find out about long layers?

I loved the fact that my first two kids arrived in this world with a penis (holy crap, I just about said peanut butter gut) because that meant I wouldn't have to deal with girl hair. The pony tails, the pig tails, the blow drying, the tangles, the debate over bangs or no bangs -- none of this was ever going to be an issue. With boys, the only decision I ever had to make was whether to go with a #2 or a #4 buzz cut, and if I was willing to pay someone $15 a head to cut it. (After a couple sweaty, tear-filled home haircuts that took place in the driveway, the answer is: Yes, from now on I am always willing to pay someone $15 to cut my kids' hair.)

When Zoe arrived, I felt ready and willing to face another head of girl hair since I had finally figured out how to accept and manage my own stick-straight mane. And wouldn't you know, she managed to grow the head of hair that I always coveted: medium brown that gets highlights in the summer, a texture that isn't too fine or too coarse and a perfect hairline, all placed proportionally on a perfectly-shaped head.

Surprisingly enough, I have actually enjoyed brushing it every morning and occasionally putting it in pigtails, but getting someone to cut it the right way is another thing. Why is it so hard to find a stylist that doesn't want to make her look like an American Girl Doll? Does every little girl have to have a bob? No. Do I want a thick hunk of bangs cut straight across her forehead? Absolutely not. Am I supposed to actually pay for a haircut that doesn't have any layers or texture? Okay, you get my point.

About a year ago, a friend of ours left the advertising industry to open up a barbershop. Since this guy has a great eye for design and knows what he likes, I'm sure it won't come as a shocker when I say that this isn't just a barbershop. They play great music, there is a wall mural comprised of music posters, their prices are great and the barbers and stylists all know their shit. Since I like to support friends in business ventures that interest me, we voluntarily drive half-an-hour so that the boys and Doug can get their hair cut at Floyd's Barbershop. But it wasn't until last summer, as I was standing there watching Charlie get a perfectly smooth #2 buzz cut, that I decided to save some time and have Zoe get her hair cut there, too. After all, they have great stylists in addition to barbers and do a lot more than just buzz cuts and straight razor shaves.

I guess I shouldn't have been surprised that the best girl cut, including perfect choppy bangs, is found at a barbershop in Uptown. And instead of a post-cut lollipop, she gets to rock out to Muse.